When my Aunt returned from her pilgrim to the Holy Land, she brought back with her a lot of knick and knacks. Among them was this painting. Not much of a painting than a pattern. Later I would come to know that these were called Stereograms.
How it works is, if you look deep into the seemingly simple and repetitive pattern, you would see a 3-D image emerge from within. I looked at it for 10 minutes straight and could not see it. I squinted my eyes until the painting I held in my hands was blurry. I changed the angle of the painting and was losing hope of ever being able to see it. At one point, I even thought my aunt and cousin were pulling a prank on me. I gave up that day. After about a week, I tried it again. And this time, I held it such that the light was falling on me and not the painting and I could see a reflection of myself on the painting. I was observing my silhouette when it suddenly jumped at me — The image of Jesus hanging on the cross. I was astounded for a minute. I looked at it so hard, afraid to even blink, lest I lose it. But, that’s the funny thing, once you see it, you know that it’s there, you can find it again easily, without much struggle. Every time I visit my Aunt’s house, I would pick up the painting and find the image within a minute, because, I had found it once, I was confident that it was very much there and could find it again with ease.
Now, if you are accustomed to my writings, you would have already guessed that there is an analogy coming up. The pattern is the chaos of anxiety, fears and feelings of listlessness invoked by the past or the future, where emotions and feelings give rise to irrational thoughts and you seem to be stuck in a loop. This year, around the middle, around the time of my birthday, it jumped at me — the reality of actually finding that happiness within. I don’t know how it happened, it was like a switch, like finally getting the right switch. I was truly happy. And at this point, nothing had significantly changed in my life, I did not get a promotion, I hadn’t met anyone, I hadn’t achieved any tangible material success. No clouds had cleared to give view to a bright future, it was as bleak as ever. That is what made it all the more wonderful! Realizing that I didn’t need any of those external things to be truly happy. It made absolutely no sense. I was still skeptical. Even though I woke up with a smile and got through each day pretty well, in the back of my mind, I was dreading that my ‘happy’ phase would come to an end soon and wanted to enjoy it while it lasts. But, it lasted for so long that I forgot to keep track of it anymore. Not to say there were no difficult days, they would come once in a while, clouds of anxiety- but so few and far in between. But the thing is, I had experienced the bliss of experiencing perfect calm and I knew it was possible to attain it again. That made all the difference.
My post has not much purpose as much as to urge you to look inside and look hard, shift your perspective if need be, to see that your happiness lies within. Once you find it, and have seen it, you will always know where to look for it, if you needed to find it again :)
